


Five Things (x4)

by trascendenza



Category: House
Genre: M/M, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-24
Updated: 2007-04-24
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trascendenza/pseuds/trascendenza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times House earned Wilson's friendship; the subtext became text; House almost became the next Mrs. Wilson; Chase was kissed by a man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things (x4)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by the_darkglow and theswearingkind.

**Five Times House Earned Jimmy's Friendship** (2007-04-24)

5\. He _didn't_ set up a profile for Jimmy on hotbabeslookin4luv.com on Valentine's Day, which actually took an incredible amount of restraint.

4\. He actually listened to all the ridiculous diatribes that Jimmy went on, and occasionally, he paid attention.

3\. He never forgot Jimmy's birthday. Even though he tried.

2\. He took Jimmy on a joyride, and let him wear the helmet. (And he didn't go more than 10 miles over the speed limit. Except when there were no other cars on the road. And when he felt like it.)

1\. House let him stay, and not just so he could pull pranks on him at any time of the day or night. That was just an added bonus.

**Five Times the Subtext Became Text** (2007-04-30)

**Five.**

Wilson _grabs his goddamn cane_. (And Wilson calls _him_ deranged.) House is starting to see some perks other than Vicodin to the whole cripple deal.

**Four.**

Basically every time Jimmy says _House, we need to talk_ and then... they do.

**Three.**

"Wilson! How long can you go without sex?"

"How long can you go without being annoying?"

"About as long as I can go without checking out your ass."

"In that case, why don't we just do it, right here, right now, and get the whole thing over with? I'm sure the patients will enjoy the free show. We may even send a few on their way early."

"You're implying this would be a problem?"

"Actually, I'm implying that I'm uncomfortable with you checking out my ass every .5 seconds because that's about as long as you can go without being annoying."

"I'm doing it right now."

A sigh. "I'm all too aware."

**Two.**

"Your shirt is ironed. That means you haven't told your wife anything."

"Let's say you're right."

"I'm right?"

"No, I'm saying you have no fashion sense. Of course you're right."

A blink. "You're admitting to me that you're having an affair or did I just get an early visit from the LSD fairy?"

Wilson bites his lip. "Did you ever consider that maybe I'm admitting to you that I _want_ to have an affair and that might be what's keeping me up nights?"

"I'm going to go with... no."

**One.**

"She's been having an affair."

"Want a beer?"

"What about you, on the rocks?"

A slow grin. "One cripple with a splash of genius coming right up."

**Five Times House Almost Became the Fourth Mrs. Wilson** (2007-04-30)

5.

"She kicked you out because she thought we were _what_?"

4.

"Commitment ceremony, schmittment ceremony."

"You realize how inane that sounded. I may just make you go through it for that alone."

3.

"We'd get a break on our taxes."

"If it were legal."

"When has legality ever stopped you?"

2.

"Don't think of it as a lease... think of it as a pre-nup."

"That's a great comfort to me, Greg."

1.

"It's legal in Canada."

"I think I might throw up."

**Five Times Chased Was Kissed by a Man** (2007-05-03)

5\. Twelve years old, visiting the Czech Republic. His father was away on business and the bellboy, who had large liquid eyes and spoke Czech so quickly that he didn't catch even a whiff of the meaning, offered him a beer. They split the vile stuff between them and the boy stole a kiss before leaving, whooping at the top of his lungs as he ran down the hall.

4\. Three months of intensive treatment, and nine-year-old Antonella Gugliemo was ready to be discharged. Mr. Gugliemo planted one right on his lips with a hearty blessing in Italian.

3\. "It was dark. I thought you were a girl, okay?" Foreman said, cringing and nursing his aching, hungover head when Chase laughed.

2\. A gentleman named Brady in a cowboy hat tried to pull Chase out onto the dance floor, and when he refused, Brady took a consolation prize.

1\. He slammed Chase against the wall and kissed him silly; it was simultaneously the most invasive and least personal salival exchange he'd ever experienced.

"Not bad," House said, smacking his lips, his eyes looking up as if accessing the database of obscure factual readings on what kissing Chase should be like.

"A little slow on the uptake, though. Just like working with you."


End file.
